For the last few weeks, I’ve been extremely busy with the CBSE examinations. I have been studying a lot, and uploading a lot of educational videos on my YouTube channel. But even though I have been sleeping for less than five hours the last few weeks, I haven't completely forgotten about my other passion: music. I am releasing a new song this Christmas. Stranded.
Stranded is special to me mainly because it is my first single which is not part of my already-released debut album, Unsettled Bliss. And I have been working hard on the lyrics, music and video. I wrote the lyrics and helped in composing the music for Stranded myself. And guess who is the vocalist working alongside me on this project? Jenny Sabi, the singer of The Absolute Apocalypse and Death. Also, you would be delighted to know that I am using Alan Walker's famous song On My Way as a reference for Stranded.
There’s a unique story behind Stranded. It is somewhat based on my life, but not entirely. First, after reading David Eagleman’s book Incognito, I increasingly began to feel that we are stranded in this world, within our biological bodies. We ultimately depend on our biological bodies for our survival. Lately, I have also been reading a lot about afterlife, Near-Death-Experiences (NDEs) and Out-Of-Body-Experiences (OOBEs). This would be evident from the lyrics of Stranded: “All those NDEs and OOBEs/They say I'm out of my mind/They say I don't wanna live/Hear that I'm the suicidal kind." The song is about someone who, perhaps coincidentally or due to something greater and outside his/her control, frequently finds him/herself in dangerous and life-threatening situations. But the people around misinterpret this and think that he/she is suicidal and attempting suicide. The theme is unique, is it not? Nothing like this has happened to me; but the other aspects of the song are somewhat relatable to me. Look at the starting verse: “The ceaseless ramblings/The regular fluoxetine/And they say it's all 'cuz/I'm a disturbed teen." I have been suffering from clinical depression and maybe something akin to bipolar disorder and/or schizophrenia. I have been to a lot of counselors and psychiatrists. By “the ceaseless ramblings,” I refer to “the ceaseless ramblings” of the counselors that have never helped me in any way (maybe it has helped me, but I didn't realize that). I also took some medication, to which I refer in the second line “the regular fluoxetine." I don't deny that medications are important in some cases. But I personally don’t think I am abnormal or I am suffering from any serious mental disorder. I am just depressed sometimes because of some recent unfortunate happenings in my life, like the death of my grandfather and some other issues I don’t want to discuss here. But I have never allowed my depression to affect my daily routine, my family and my academics. And when I think about the ones around me, about the average person, I admit that it seems I am winning the war against life. Life is always throwing obstacles down my path, but I have emerged victorious in most cases.
Have you ever wondered why we unconsciously get addicted to negative thought patterns? Because, to some extent, we all want pity from others (I don't know if this is just a survival instinct or something else). We use negativity as an excuse to not face reality. But once this starts, it is very difficult to break out of this pattern, and this ultimately leads to anxiety, depression and other mental health issues. To be frank, I myself was addicted to negative thinking lately and I used to unnecessarily worry a lot. But I have understood better now. There is only one way to break free: not to try to think positive or anything, but to defy your negative thoughts, to analyze the probability of your thoughts actually happening and to reach beyond your breaking point. Negative thoughts take us to a world where the simple truth is hidden from our eyes, and everything in this world appears overly distorted. As long as you are in this world, trying to think positive or watching motivational videos won't help much (at least not in the long run), because whatever you think you are thinking and perceiving from your distorted perspective. The best thing to do is to convince yourself that this world is just fantasy, and shatter the world completely. I know it's difficult, but once you reach your breaking point, and hopefully things work out in your life, you can get over it yourself. At least, I was able to. I just needed to reach my breaking point, and completely destroy this world. The world seems more difficult and challenging to me now, but it doesn't anymore scare the shit out of me. I am ready to face it, instead of cowering behind a shield of negativity. But also keep in mind that, although I say this is the only way to overcome negative thinking, but in reality medication and therapy also work wonders for many. So never hesitate to consult a psychiatrist or psychologist if you think you need help: they have studied psychiatry and psychology for a reason. I don’t mean to offend the mental health professionals by this song. But sometimes, there are factors beyond any medication, and sometimes even beyond you. When I refer to “something greater and beyond our control,” I hardly mean God. My experience with science has told me that our life is indeed outside our control. I don’t mean we are puppets in the hands of some supernatural deity. But still, the question of determinism and free will is far from settled. Although it feels like we are free agents, there's no denying the fact that we are ultimately a complex collection of atoms following the laws of physics (so maybe we are puppets in the hands of the laws of physics, I dunno). And also, we mostly operate unconsciously, and based on instincts which are outside our conscious control. So if you love Imagine Dragons very much and are, at this very moment, humming the line “I'm the one at the sail, I'm the master of my sea” from their song Believer, you are technically wrong.
Let us finally look at the chorus: “It's all fun and exciting until you see/Something greater looking down on you/Then you realize you're not in control/Stranded in this world without a clue.” In the beginning, we are growing up carelessly and under the protection of our parents. At this time, life is all fun and exciting. As we grow up, we see “something greater looking down on” us and we realize that we are “stranded in this world without a clue.”
That’s all I wanted to say in this blog. I will be back with more interesting blogs soon, after my exams are over. And stay tuned for Stranded this Christmas!