I found a note I wrote at seventeen
It said: You're gonna make it, you'll be fine
Back then I was just learning to dream
In a world that's dream-crushing by design
Sleepless nights under open skies
The success covering the sacrifice
Loudest laughs hiding the silent cries
Still pretending I don’t mind the lies
Churned out results, lost some sleep
Chased what was never mine to keep
Physics gave me strain, she gave me pain
And my heart still haunts my brain
Kissed some ghosts, they still kiss me
I blocked her, but her texts still haunt me
Hid behind equations, burned on both ends
Danced with devils I called my friends
On paper, I explore configuration space
In life, I still feel like a total mess
This success on sand didn't come for free
It cost the boy inside of me
Funny how we call it letting go
When it feels like learning how to stay
Tryna find patterns in the noise
Still keeping the demons at bay
Funny how we call it growing up
When it feels more like burning down
Call it tragedy, call it comedy
In the circus of life, I'm just a clown
And if I could text my younger self
I’d say: Don’t run from your feelings
Don't turn everything into an equation
Because being lost is still direction
The pain you hate will teach you well
And love won’t always hurt like hell
Stars you wish on don't know your name
But you’re gonna shine anyway
Remember her? The one you swore
Was "the one" before you knew the score
Maybe you ruined it, maybe she was right
She said sorry, you turned her to memory
Maybe she was only being realistic
When she told you it's okay to fail
Maybe you should've checked on her
More than you checked your email
She was the kind to defy ergodicity
Her perfection killed stochasticity
All she did was put physics in perspective
And that awakened your insecurity
You laughed too loud to hide your fears
Cared a lot behind your "I don't care"s
But after all of this, you’re still here
And that’s reason enough to cheer
The pain you hate will teach you well
And love won’t always hurt like hell
Stars you wish on don't know your name
But you’re gonna shine anyway
So here’s to the mess, to the maybe, the might
To the version of me that still dreams at night
If I could text my younger self, I think I’d just say:
Don't worry, you’re gonna be alright.